


No cure

by Hathaway01



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2272962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hathaway01/pseuds/Hathaway01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has a serious case of being in love, and sadly, there is no cure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No cure

It wasn't that he was unclear of how he felt. He was completely sure. He knew what the knotting feeling in his stomach indicted. He knew what it meant when his heart quickened, and he could feel the pulse of his blood coursing through his veins. He wasn't ill. He was in love.

It had taken some time for him to understand all the symptoms. His analytical mind weighed up all the possible causes and factors. Could it have been environmental? No..he thought not. An allergic reaction to something would have been an easier explanation that him falling in love with his governor. He had consulted all the experts. Shelley, Keats and all the other boys in the band. There was no doubt in his mind. He had a serious case of being in love, and as far as he knew, there was no cure. 

He had mused on when exactly he had fallen for his boss. Probably in the airport, waiting to pick him up. He knew that there had been something…a feeling. At the time, he would most likely have attributed it to nervousness. Meeting a senior officer for the first time can be intimidating. They could end up being a total pompous twat, incompetent and dominating. Lewis was nothing like that. Even when he had been tired, emotional and grumpy, there was never bite to his words. He was full of kindness, even if that kindness was overshadowed at times by grief and loss. 

If he were completely honest with himself, which was harder than it sounded, James didn't even consider himself gay. He didn't consider himself anything. He barely considered himself as James. He was just a being. Never having been one to fit into a space easily, he was the proverbial square peg. He was reminded of a quote from a contemporary philosopher..”I am what I am and that’s all I am”. Not Kant or Hegel…but Popeye. He chuckled to himself. Lewis would like that. But those words were truer than many he had read, he simply was himself. And himself, was in love with Robbie Lewis. 

He knew that it was more than a crush. It had been years now. He accepted that Robbie didn't love him in the same way. Of course he cared for and respected him as a friend, but he wasn't so affected by his senses to mistake kindly affection for romantic gestures. Perhaps one of the kindest things James had ever done was not to let Robbie know exactly how much he effected him. Effected his every thought. Those thoughts of Robbie filled his every waking moment. In the car, in the office, at a crime scene, in the shower…oh God, the shower. That was when he would finally cave, and allow the thoughts that he had been trying so hard to keep at bay all day come into his mind. He would close his eyes, and imagine Lewis doing what he was doing to himself. It never took long. Not these days.

Everything reminded him of Lewis. He could always find a way to connect things to him. A street they had walked down, a pub they had visited. A book they had discussed, or a song that he had heard Robbie humming along to. He would instantly file the lyrics to the song away, remembering to look it up and download it when he got home. He wanted so much to know everything there was to know about him, even if that took the rest of his life. He preyed he would get the chance to spend the rest of his life learning about him. Learning about the man he loved, even if there were no chance he would ever love him back.


End file.
